Knitting to Heal: Carol's Project Knitwell Story
Carol Caparosa is the founder and board member of Project Knitwell, an organization dedicated to bringing comfort and therapy to people facing stressful situations through the joy of knitting. In this piece, Carol shares the story of her first born, and how a difficult time led to her back to knitting.
After 19 hours of labor, my first child was born, a beautiful, healthy little girl we named Emily. She was discharged in two days and life with a new baby began. Sleepless nights, lots of staring in the crib, holding and soothing her, navigating the early days of nursing and figuring out what she needed – not an easy task. At one week old, I noticed that Emily seemed to be breathing funny, a little labored and her coloring a little paler than the day before. I called the pediatrician’s office and the nurse didn’t seemed to be alarmed but said I could bring Emily in.
My Mom and I drove to the doctor’s office and they took her to a room immediately. Within a few minutes, several doctors rushed into the room with their stethoscopes and started asking me multiple questions about Emily and my pregnancy. The mood in the room was serious and hurried. The senior pediatrician scooped Emily into his arms, ran out of the office, down the hallway, out the door, across the street, and into the emergency room. My Mom followed him, while I went to an office to hysterically call my husband.
The Longest WaitThe ER doctors were uncertain what was going on but they knew that Emily was in kidney failure and shock. One smart neonatologist had a hunch that it might be a certain heart defect and administered medication that provided some relief. She was transferred to Georgetown University Hospital and rushed to the pediatric intensive care unit. We waited as specialists examined our tiny daughter and tests were given. We called our families and asked for prayers. Finally, two cardiologists’ and an intensivist sat down with us and one of the cardiologists said “if she makes it through the night, her first surgery will be.” That cardiologist made a drawing, which I still have, of a normal heart and a drawing of Emily’s heart. He numbered 4 areas that were defective. I asked for a priest who came and baptized Emily that night.
The surgery was the next morning and she survived it. But within 2 weeks, she was losing weight and in cardiac failure due to one of the other defects. At 3 weeks old, and 5 pounds, she had open-heart surgery. They kept her in a coma for days after the surgery so she could begin to heal. She did heal, but faced more surgeries during the next 5 years.
A Welcome DistractionI lived at the hospital and only came home for very brief periods. I couldn’t stand being away from her, even though in those days, parents could only be in the ICU’s at certain times. I spent a lot of time in waiting rooms and slept on a cot with other random parents in a room down the hall. I couldn’t read, watch television, or talk on phone, when I was at the hospital. I could literally stare at the same sentence in a book for hours. There was no internet, cell phones or caring bridge website to let concerned family members know how she was doing. I could only worry and I did that well. One day, my husband brought in the mail from home and there was a package with a hand-knit sweater that my sister-in-law’s mother knit for Emily. I opened it and thought that it was the nicest gift anyone could give a baby. I knew how to knit but hadn’t in a long time. A light bulb went off and I thought that I would start knitting for the rest of the time Emily was hospitalized. Not sure why, but somehow, I imagine this would help me.
The next time I went home, I found some yarn, and needles, because all knitters, even when we aren’t knitting, have a stash. I knit my way through the rest of her hospitals stays. At first, I just knit, without really making anything – it was the process, not the end product for me. Eventually, I got patterns and started to make things for Emily. Her surgeries were long – 7 plus hours and we didn’t get a lot of updates, but somehow I could manage waiting by knitting. I knit when I couldn’t sleep and when she was sleeping. I felt productive when I was knitting even though I never finished anything in the hospital. But once she was home, I continued to knit and completed many sweaters that I still have packed away.
A Happy PresentEmily’s surgeries continued for 5 years, we had another baby, a son, and our life eventually took on a normal pace. After 15 years, I went back to Georgetown Hospital to volunteer. I volunteered in the in-patient pediatric unit and told the Child Life Specialist that I would be happy to teach Moms to knit. It took off, and so did the idea of Project Knitwell. I wanted to build an organization that would provide knitting instruction and quality materials to people who were in stressful situations in healthcare settings in hopes that they would gain the benefits that I had gained.
Emily, at 21, had to have another heart procedure. It was suppose to be out-patient, but it turned out to be more complicated and included a stay in the ICU for a few days. The day of her procedure, I brought with me music to listen to, sudoko puzzles, a book I was reading, my knitting, and, of course, the waiting room had a television. I tried it all, my book, sudoko, TV, but the only thing I could do was knit and listen to my iPod. Hopefully Emily won’t need more surgeries but, if she does, I’m only going to pack my knitting and iPod.
One last thing... Emily is now a healthy 25 year old, recently engaged, and a pediatric intensive care nurse in the same unit at Georgetown Hospital where she was cared for as an infant. I still volunteer at Georgetown and love seeing her in her new role on the days we are there together. She knows how to knit too!
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